


Five Times Darcy Almost Saved the Day... And Once When She Did

by Ninjababe



Series: Darcy Lewis, Vampire Slayer (Semi-Retired) [4]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crossover, lighthearted frolic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-24
Updated: 2012-09-27
Packaged: 2017-11-14 22:29:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninjababe/pseuds/Ninjababe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Darcy almost had to reveal she was a Slayer...</p>
<p>...and the time the Avengers finally found out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shopping with Tony Stark May be Hazardous to Your Health

**Author's Note:**

> To tell you how much this series has taken over my brain, I wrote some of this longhand, during lunch at work. In a Captain America spiral notebook. I defaced a relic for you! -ahem-
> 
> This takes place at undetermined times after the Avengers movie.
> 
> Thanks to the awesome [Ithildin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithildin/) for her beta-reading skills.

"So," Darcy Lewis, full-time assistant to Doctor Jane Foster and Doctor Erik Selvig, asked as she spun her office chair in circles. "What are we giving Pepper for her birthday?"

"Hmm?" Doctor Jane Foster asked distractedly.

Darcy sighed and stopped her spinning. "Jane, pause on the science. We have an important decision to make."

Giving herself a shake, Jane turned away from her computer screen. "Sorry... What was the question?"

"Pepper's birthday gift?" Darcy repeated.

Jane looked deep in thought. "What does she need?"

"A boyfriend who isn't ulcer inducing?" Darcy asked with a smirk.

"Hey!"

The two women looked over to see Tony Stark seemingly appear out of thin air. Jane sighed while Darcy rolled her eyes.

"Mr. Stark, can we help you?" Darcy asked.

"Call me Tony," the billionaire replied. "And, did I hear correctly? Pepper's birthday is coming up?"

"Yes," Jane said distractedly as she turned back to her computer screen.

Darcy stood up forcefully, causing her chair to careen towards the wall. "Damn it!" she exclaimed. "I won't be able to get her out of Science Land for at least another hour now." She turned to Tony, pointing a finger at him. "This is your fault. How dare you interrupt our scheduled girl talk time!"

"You were talking about me," Tony pointed out. "You have to schedule 'girl talk'?"

Darcy picked up her appointment book and waved it around. "When it comes to Jane, it's better to schedule the breaks. She's more likely to listen if it's pre-scheduled."

Tony tried to grab the spiral bound book. "You're using paper? They do come digitally now. I'll get you one."

"I'd only use it for a door stop," Darcy glared. "I know your ways."

"Who, me?" Tony asked innocently, a hand covering the glow of his arc reactor through his t-shirt.

"Yes, you," Darcy said. "You'd change times, make fake appointments.... I'm on to you, mister."

"Jane, you don't think that of me, do you?" Tony asked, turning to the distracted scientist.

"Uh uh," Jane replied without moving her focus from her work.

"See? Jane knows I wouldn't do that," Tony said triumphantly.

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Oh please. She's not listening. Jane, does these chips make the Chrysler Building look fat?"

"Uh uh," Jane replied.

Darcy nodded. "See? Science Land. She'll be there for hours. And, that means I can't shop for Pepper's gift until tomorrow, since I have no clue on what we should give her."

"I can fix that," Tony said with a grin.

=====

"Why did I agree to this again?" Darcy groaned as she was dragged into yet another couture store.

"Because you said you'd help me find Pepper a birthday gift. It was your idea."

Darcy shook her head. "No. I asked Jane what we should get Pepper. You were eavesdropping. Which is a character flaw. You should work on that."

"Whatever." Tony waved a hand as if to brush her comment away. "Now, why aren't we being rolled over by a perky shop assistant?"

Darcy pointed to the back of the store. "They're all huddled..." she trailed off when she saw the store clerks were actually sitting on the ground and behind an armed gunman.

"Don't move! Put your hands up!" the gunman shouted.

"Which is it?" Tony asked, his head slightly cocked.

"Tony," Darcy ground out. "Shut up and follow his directions." She slowly moved slightly to one side and forward, hoping to get close enough that she could use her Slayer speed and strength to wrench the gun out of the criminal's hand.

"Do I know you?" the gunman asked, staring at Tony.

Tony grinned.

"Shut up," Darcy hissed behind her. She was almost there.

"Holy shit," the gunman exclaimed. "You're Iron Man." Dropping his gun, he raised his hands. "I give up. I don't want to tangle with your lasers."

Darcy quickly strode forward and kicked the gun away while pulling her phone out of her pocket. "Iron Man, if he moves, fry him," she ordered as she dialed 911.

She could see Tony's eye roll in her mind as he replied. "Of course."

It didn't take long for the police to come and arrest the assailant.

"I don't use lasers, I use repulsors," Tony complained.

"Just be grateful he was stoned enough to think you could hurt him without your suit," Darcy pointed out. "Now, I'm wiped."

"If you don't tell Pepper about this, I'll pay for whatever you and Jane decide to get her," Tony wheedled.

Grinning, Darcy shook Tony's hand. "Done! And, shopping is done!"

=====

Pepper was very happy with the custom made Christain Louboutin shoes from Tony. Mostly because Tony actually found and bought her a gift.

And, she thought the spa weekend from Jane and Darcy was quite nice as well...


	2. Jail Break! Oh, Never Mind...

"You're new, aren't you?" Darcy asked the agent searching her bag at the security checkpoint for SHIELD headquarters.

The other agent at the checkpoint grinned and nodded. "He's just learning the ropes, Ms. Lewis."

"I can tell," Darcy replied. She crossed her arms over her chest as the agent pulled her taser out of the her large purse. "What do you think you're doing, Baby Agent?"

"This is a weapon," the agent stated.

Darcy nodded and gave the agent an 'are you stupid' look. "Duh! That's why I carry it."

"Only agents can carry weapons in headquarters. And, then, only SHIELD approved weapons," the agent stated. Trying to look forceful, he continued, "I'll have to confiscate this, and there is the possibility of charges being filed."

"You have to be kidding me," Darcy said with a glare before turning towards the agent she knew. "He's kidding, right?"

Sighing, the agent replied, "I hadn't gotten around to giving him the exceptions for the manual."

After getting her taser back, Darcy put a 'visitor' badge around her neck, and walked through the lobby towards the elevator. She could hear bits and pieces of the lecture the young agent was getting.

After fifteen minutes of wandering seemingly endless hallways with doors every fifteen feet, she opened a nondescript door.

"Can I deliver these to the helicarrier sometime?" Darcy asked as she entered Agent Coulson's office.

"I seriously doubt it," Coulson said as he held a hand out.

"I think that's all the tree destruction you and your organization need from Jane and Erik this week." Darcy stared at Coulson over her glasses as she handed over a pile of bound reports.

"You don't need to wear glasses," Coulson replied, ignoring her comment.

Darcy sighed. "I may have gone from awful to twenty twenty vision overnight, but I've worn glasses as far back as I can remember. I like my glasses. Lay off the specs."

Coulson nodded. "Anything on you we need to discuss?"

"Really," Darcy asked with raised eyebrows. "You want the dish on my dating life?"

"I meant for the Council," Coulson pointed out.

"I still can't believe they made you my Watcher," Darcy grumbled. "I was fine with Jane."

"Jane let you hunt vampires. Without requiring you to tell her you went out. That's dangerous."

"Whatever." Rolling her eyes, she replied to the original question. "No, nothing's crossed my path since last week."

Coulson stared at her. "If it did?"

"I'd call the active team for New York if it wasn't a life threatening situation," Darcy replied, as if by rote. "If it is a life threatening situation, I'm to do what I can to get myself and civilians out of it, then call you."

"I'll see you next week, then." Dismissing the woman standing before his desk, he turned back to his paperwork.

Grumbling to herself, Darcy stomped out of the office and down the hall.

A few feet from Coulson's office, she was grabbed by behind and she felt the barrel of a gun at her temple.

"Really?" Darcy exclaimed.

"Miss, stay calm," a random SHIELD agent said, his hands spread out to show the gunman he was unarmed.

"Get back! All of you get back!" the gunman shouted towards the hallway full of agents in front of him before he started to pull Darcy backwards down a side corridor.

"I really don't need this today," Darcy grumbled under her breath.

"Well, girlie, it's just you and me," the man holding her hostage said, trying to sound threatening.

"Oh?" Darcy replied, staring at the agents using the doorways down the hall as cover. She was hoping to get to someplace where there weren't agents, even for a few moments, so she could kick this idiot's ass. Coulson could take care of security footage.

"When we get out of here, maybe I'll show you what a real man is like," the gunman said while continuing to pull her down the hall.

Darcy rolled her eyes as she started to place more weight on the arm across her middle. With the gunman having to pull more of her weight, he'd be more off center for when she attacked.

She heard a small noise and felt something whiz over her head. A few moments later, the arm around her fell, causing her to stumble around to regain her footing.

Turning quickly, she got her first look at the man who was holding her hostage. He was at least six feet tall, and very muscular. The tranquilizer arrow sticking out of his neck gave her the reason he was also out cold.

"Idiotic man!" Darcy growled as she kicked him in the ribs. Ignoring the cracks of breaking bone she heard, she turned towards the other end of the hall. Taking a deep breath and running a hand over her hair, she gave Clint a smile from his position down the hall. "Thanks for that."

"No problem," he replied as he stood up and started to fold up his bow. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm just awesome," she said with a brittle grin. "Now, if you excuse me, I'm sure Coulson has a ton of incident paperwork for me to fill out."

She stalked down the halls back towards Coulson's office. She just knew he'd have a two inch stack of paperwork in triplicate to fill out.


	3. Can't You Attack Another City? I'm Sure Los Angeles is Nice This Time of Year...

Coulson held out a small, square box. "Before you go, here."

Putting the weekly pile of reports on the corner of his desk, Darcy gave a small squeal. "Ooo! I love pressies!" Quickly opening the box, she stared at the SHIELD badge on a heavy chain. "Umm... What?"

"Director Fury and I have been working to get certain individuals broader authority during crises. Of which, you are one. Plus, it will give you protection from the police if you are ever discovered on Council business."

Darcy rolled her eyes, "First, why do I need authority during a crisis? Second, the Council can get me out of any trouble I get into."

Calmly placing his pen on his desk, Coulson stared at the young woman in front of him. "If there is a situation, you would be using that badge to take command and lead civilians away from said situation. And, wouldn't it be better not to bring the Council 'to light' as it were, if it could be avoided?"

Darcy sighed as she closed the box. As she placed the box into her purse, she perked up and started to bounce a little. "Does that mean I get a title? Am I Agent Lewis? Can I arrest people? Can I shoot people? Can I squeeze them, and hug them, and call them George?"

Coulson picked up his pen and returned to his paperwork. "You're title is Special Agent Lewis. You could arrest people before. It's your right as an American to have the ability to make a citizens arrests. You already shoot too many people with your taser. And, what you do in your spare time, hopefully in your bedroom, is none of my business."

"Hey! We have a moratorium on my love life!" Darcy exclaimed. 

Coulson glanced up at Darcy to give a quick glare before going back to his paperwork. "You brought it up."

Rolling her eyes, Darcy decided to take a different track. "Can I add that to my resume? Oh, and to my business cards?"

Coulson paused in writing and looked up. "You have business cards? And, why do you need a resume?"

"A girl's always have to have a resume handy, just in case an awesome job comes along. And, I gave you a business card when we first met," Darcy pointed out, the pulled a card out. "Remember?"

Coulson grabbed the card, which had been defaced. The original card had simply said 'NWC' for New Watchers Council and a toll free number. It now had scribbled on it in black ink 'Darcy Lewis' above the 'NWC' and 'kick ass assistant to portal creators' above the phone number. In the bottom corner, it read 'No affiliation to Aperture Science' in small block letters.

"See, I could make it say 'Special Agent Darcy Lewis, SHIELD'," Darcy said with a grin over Coulson's sigh.

Placing the card into one of his desk drawers. "Please tell me you aren't handing these out?"

"Nah," Darcy replied with a shake of her head. "I just wanted to see your face."

"I'll see you next week," Coulson said as he pointed towards his office door.

"Sure thing," Darcy said as she started to saunter out of the room. "Oh, the real cards will have my cell phone number on them."

Before he could retort, Darcy had left the room and shut the door behind her.

=====

It had taken barely two weeks before Darcy would have to use her new found 'power'. She was sitting in a crowded coffee shop, calmly drinking her quadruple espresso, when the screams started.

A man can running into the shop yelling, "It's some type of giant robots!"

With a sigh, Darcy pulled her SHIELD badge and taser out her purse. After placing the badge over her head, she turned on her taser and turned to the shop. "All right, people. Let's calmly move towards the back of the store and exit through the alley," she said loudly as she repositioned her purse across her body to hang at one hip.

"Who the hell says you can tell us what to do?" a large man asked with a glare.

Darcy gave a glare back as she held her badge aloft. "One, the killer robots are on the main streets. Two, I'm Special Agent Lewis of SHIELD. Now, move it!"

Watching the front window, Darcy determined what direction the robots seemed to be coming from. Jogging after the fleeing civilians, she pointed away from the carnage that could be heard. "Go that way, and keep going until you either meet the barricade, or you can't hear the battle anymore."

"But, what about you?" one woman asked.

"I have to make sure there are no more people caught up in this," Darcy replied with what she hoped was a comforting smile, but was probably more of a grimace. "Now, go!"

With that, she jogged back through the coffee shop, grabbed her espresso drink, and continued through the front door of the store. Quickly gulping her drink, she looked around for anyone else caught in the battlefield.

She rolled her eyes as she spotted a whole group of people in a fast food restaurant with their faces nearly pressed to the glass front as they watched the battle happening a block away. "Idiots. Robots are coming to kill them, and they just watch in awe."

Striding through the door, she called out. "I'm Special Agent Lewis of SHIELD. You are to calmly walk to the back of the building and into the alley. From there, head away from the battle until you meet the barricade or you can't hear the fighting."

After clearing them out, she cautiously made her way closer to the battle, trying to find any more civilians. Finding a group of people in suits huddling behind a car, she motioned to them and called out, "Come with me. I'm with SHIELD, I'll get you out of here."

The three men and one woman quickly got up and ran towards Darcy. A few moments before they had reached her, a fifteen foot tall robot landed behind them and aimed a gun at the group.

"Well, crap," Darcy exclaimed as the business people ran past her. Raising her taser, she prepared to rush the robot. Hopefully, the voltage would short it out. Or, at least it would be aimed at her, and not the fleeing people.

What was a nearly two story robot suddenly became a pile of sparking scrap metal as the Hulk landed on it with a roar.

"Dude!" Darcy exclaimed with a grin as she lowered her taser. "You rock."

Captain America jogged over. "Are you alright?"

"Just dandy," Darcy said with a grin. "Is there more civilians that need led out?"

Steve cocked his head as if listening to something. "Tony says that scans show clear. They're all out."

"Coolio. Then my job is done," Darcy said with a heartfelt sigh.

Growling, the Hulk pointed behind Darcy. 

"Gotcha. I am out of here," she replied to his non-verbal command with a nod. "Have fun smashing!" she shouted behind her with a wave as she ran off.

Blocks later, she encountered the police barricade and slowed down. As she reached it, she walked passed the police officer frantically waving her through. "I was told by the Avengers that this should be all the civilians," she calmly told the officer.

"Yes, ma'am," the officer replied as he pointed towards a matte black van. "The SHIELD mobile unit is over there."

Darcy nodded in thanks as she wove through the crowd, ignoring the questions of the people behind her. When she reached the van, the agent standing beside the passenger door waved her towards the back. "They'll want a situation report."

Opening the back door and spying Coulson, she sighed. "Of course it's you."

Coulson tranquilly handed over a clipboard full of paper and a pen. "Good to see you in one piece. Thought that stray robot was going to get you."

"I'm good," Darcy replied as glanced at the monitors in the van. She winced when she saw Hawkeye dive off a building on one of the screens. However, he was quickly caught by Iron Man and flown to the ground. Giving herself a shake, she turned away from the monitors and took the stack of paper. "Yay. I love paperwork."

"Good," Coulson said with a barely seen smirk.

Looking suspicious, Darcy asked. "Why is that good?"

"After your done with that, you'll be filling out the paperwork to join SHIELD's continuing basic training courses. You were slightly out of breath."

Darcy glared. "I just jogged twelve blocks!"

"Exactly," Coulson stated. "You may be 'semi-retired', but that doesn't mean you get to be totally lazy."

"I am so requesting a transfer," Darcy growled out as she stomped off to a nearby bench.

"Denied!" Coulson called out, his smirk more pronounced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Darcy's 'business card'](http://pics.livejournal.com/ninjababe/pic/000rq5y4)


	4. Brothers Drool, Moms Rule

Carefully juggling her bottle of vodka, pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, and a large spoon, Darcy settled into her couch. Sitting cross legged, she placed the vodka bottle on her side table, then pulled open the pint of ice cream. Stabbing the spoon into the ice cream, she picked up her TV remote.

"Now," Darcy exclaimed as she rearranged her oversized t-shirt. "It's time to veg and catch up on my show."

Clicking on the TV, she quickly went through the menus and found the folder for 'Britian's Best Baker' and was about to hit play when her field of vision of blocked by black leather.

"Huh," Darcy said distractedly as she looked up. "And, you are?"

The tall man glared at her from his golden helmet, which had two long horns curling from the front. Holding his golden staff towards her, he sneered. "I am Loki, you stupid, insignificant mortal."

"Ah," Darcy replied with a nod as she slowly placed her ice cream on the floor and slid her feet from under her legs. "And, you're here why?"

"You," Loki said with a grin before reaching out and forcefully grabbing her by the shoulder before she could dodge or attack.

A wrenching feeling later, and Darcy was falling through the air a few feet to land on a highly polished, golden floor. "Ow."

"Get up, little mortal," Loki said with a smirk.

Growling, Darcy quickly stood up and brushed off her shorts. "Rude, aren't you?"

"Why should I be courteous to you? ... Little Mortal." Loki sneered.

"I heard the capitalization of that," Darcy said, pointing a finger at the God of Mischief. "I don't like it."

"Why should I care?" Loki replied with a flick of his staff. Darcy was suddenly sitting in an uncomfortable chair, her arms tied behind her back. "I'll be back for you later."

"Yeah, hopefully before you starve me to death!" Darcy shouted as Loki strode from the room and the large golden doors of the room banged shut behind him.

"Stupid magic," she muttered to herself as she tried untying herself. "Stupid villains." She threw her head back and screamed, "STUPID ROPES!"

A few moments later, the doors of the chamber opened and a woman wearing a beautifully embroidered dress with her hair piled artfully on top of her head stepped through. "Hello?"

Darcy glared. "Come to gloat at the 'Little Mortal'?"

The blonde's eyes widened. "Oh, Loki, what did you do now?"

Striding forward, the woman pulled a dagger out from one of her wide sleeves. "Let me get you loose. I swear I raised that boy better."

"You're his **mom**?!" Darcy exclaimed as the woman cut her free.

"I'm Frigga, wife to Odin, mother of Thor and Loki," the woman replied as she held out a hand to help Darcy up, her dagger stowed back into her gown.

"Pleased to meet you, I think," Darcy replied as she took the help to stand. "Just wished it was in better circumstances."

"Indeed," Frigga replied, her mouth a moue of distaste. "I should have took a firmer hand to that boy more as a child."

Darcy grinned. "I think all mothers say that about their children."

Frigga laughed, her voice like a peal of bells. "You, young one, are most likely correct. Tell me, what is your name, and... occupation? I believe you Midgardians call it."

Darcy gave a small nod of her head. "I am Darcy Lewis, assistant to Dr Jane Foster and Dr Erik Selvig."

"You know Jane Foster?" Frigga's eyes lit up. "Come, you must tell me all about her while I get you some clothes to wear and something to eat." Gently grabbing one of Darcy's arms, she led the young woman from the room.

=====

Finding something to eat was much easier done than finding clothing that not only fit Darcy, but that she would wear.

"I do apologize, but it seems Asgardians are much taller that those from Midgard," Frigga said with a sigh. "The only thing so far that fits is..."

"I won't wear that monstrosity of a ballgown," Darcy interrupted. It hadn't taken long for her to relax around the Queen of Asgard. "I'd rather wander around in my t-shirt and get sneered at for being a 'Little Mortal'."

Frigga's reply was cut off by the doors banging open. "There you are!" Loki sneered as he strode into the room.

His rant was cut of before it started by Darcy punching him full force in the nose, causing Loki to stagger back quite a few steps.

"Loki Odinson!" Frigga exclaimed.

"Oooo," Darcy grinned. "Mom voice. Harsh."

Loki glared at Darcy through the hand trying to stop the flow of blood from his nose.

"I'm talking to you," Frigga continued as she strode forward. Pointing a finger and poking Loki in the chest she continued to berate him. "How dare you kidnap this sweet girl from Midgard. Go to your chambers, immediately. I'll deal with you when I'm calm enough."

Looking hangdog, Loki nodded and left the room. He gave Darcy a glare as he shut the doors. She waggled the fingers of her right hand in reply with a grin.

Smoothing down her dress, Frigga turned back to the young woman. "Now then. You weren't completely honest with me before, were you?"

"I'm sorry?" Darcy asked, wide eyed.

"No normal Midgardian could make my son stagger with one punch. Especially one that breaks his nose."

"Oh," Darcy replied, looking at her feet. "He deserved it?" she said hopefully.

Frigga grinned. "Yes, he did, I believe." Pausing, she looked over the pile of dresses laying over most of the surfaces in the room. "No wonder none of these would work for you. A warrior maiden such as yourself needs to be able to fight in all outfits."

"Warrior maiden?" Darcy looked confused.

"You are the current slayer of monsters, are you not? Tales have been told of you and your predecessors in many a song."

"Even the Asgardians know of Slayers?" Darcy asked. "Huh."

Frigga nodded. "Yes. Oh, Sif will be so pleased to meet you!" Pausing, she gave Darcy an assessing look. "Yet, why do you not take up your sacred duty? Why do you instead spend time in your assisting work?"

Darcy looked a little perplexed as she tried to mentally reword the sentence. Then, she had it figured out. "Oh! You probably don't know. There is more than one Slayer now."

"That must be a fine tale," Frigga stated as she led Darcy from the room. "You must speak of it while we find you suitable raiment for your station."

=====

"That is one sweet ride," Darcy proclaimed as she admired the knotwork surrounding herself on the roof of Stark/Avengers Tower.

Moments later, the Avengers themselves came running out of the roof's access door, ready for battle.

"Darcy?" Clint asked, looking confused at her, and her outfit.

"I know, sweet, right?" Darcy replied with a broad grin as she slowly turned in place, showing off her black embossed leather pants and vest, with a pale blue silk shirt underneath. The hilt of a dagger could be seen to be poking from the top of each of her knee high leather boots.

"You are wearing Asgardian clothing," Thor pointed out, Mjolnir slack in his hand.

"Thor, your mom rocks!" Darcy replied as she bounced forward.

"How would you know that?" Bruce Banner asked from the back of the group.

"Oh, Loki kidnapped me, Frigga sent him to his room without supper, then gave me this bitchin' outfit before sending me home. Well, here anyway. Heimdall said it would be better to keep the bifrost exit at the same area it'll be for the future."

"For the future?" Tony Stark asked over exclamations of "Loki!" from the other Avengers.

"I promised Frigga I'd show her what girls on Earth do for fun," Darcy said with a grin as she sauntered towards the access door. "Now, I need to check in with Coulson and fill out what is probably going to be my weight in paperwork before I can start planning that trip. See you guys later!"


	5. Tick Tick Boom!

Hearing 'Take This Job and Shove It' from her jeans pocket, Darcy sighed and pulled her cell phone out. "Hello, Coulson."

Listening for a few moments, she sighed again and nodded. "I'll be there soon."

Looking over to where Jane and Erik were conferring, she put her cell phone back into her pocket and stood up. Pulling her SHIELD badge out, she put it around her neck. "Hey, guys?" After a few moments of being ignored, she put her fingers to her mouth and whistled loudly. 

When the two scientists looked at her, annoyed, she continued. "I've got to go out. Coulson's called me in to help."

Jane looked worried. "That's never good."

Darcy smiled. "It won't be so bad. I'll see you guys tomorrow!" Waving, she strode out of the lab and towards her car.

Ten minutes later, she parked her car on the street and quickly walked toward the SHIELD mobile unit. "What's the sitch?" she asked Coulson as she approached.

"Bomb threat in the middle of that," Coulson replied, gesturing to the mass of people clogging the street.

"Why haven't they been evacuated?" Darcy asked, her head cocked.

Coulson pinched his nose. "It's a protest. The higher ups don't want SHIELD to be seen as anti-freedom of rights by shutting it down."

Darcy nodded and stretched her arms. "What are we looking for?"

"Anything out of place," Coulson replied as he handed over an earpiece. "Unattended bags, overfull garbage cans, things like that."

Fitting the earpiece in, Darcy nodded and took a deep breath. "Right, I'm going in."

"The Avengers are all in the crowd, as well as other SHIELD agents," Coulson stated as Darcy started to move away.

"Here, bomby, bomby," Darcy muttered as she searched through the crowd.

"You _are_ live, Agent Lewis," Steve stated over the communication line.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Darcy replied as she continued to search.

After ten minutes of searching, she sighed. "I need coffee."

"Me too," Tony replied.

"Stark! Lewis!" Coulson loudly said over the line.

Darcy jumped. "Sorry! Sorry! I forgot about the earpiece. Radio silence, right..."

That's when she saw the backpack against a light post. She looked it over. It had no identification tag. Looking at the people around, she called out, "Hey, does this belong to anyone? Or should I drop it off with the cops as lost?"

"Did you find something, Darcy Lewis?" Thor asked over the comm.

"I don't know yet," Darcy replied. After a few moments of no replies from the people around her, she approached the bag. "It's a backpack, unattended. I'm seeing if there are any outside wires or triggers."

"Don't touch it!" Natasha barked. "The bomb squad will reach you within ten minutes."

"I'm not touching it unless I have to," Darcy replied, rolling her eyes. "I don't see anything that could be a trigger."

"Wait for the bomb squad," Clint ground out.

"Uh huh..." Darcy replied, distractedly as she reached out. "I'm going to open the bag."

Multiple shouts of "NO!" caused her to flinch.

Shaking her head, she slowly pulled the zipper of the backpack, her head pulled back and her eyes half shut.

After a few moments, she had the bag opened and gave a sigh of relief. "Well, it hasn't gone off yet."

"Idiot child," Coulson ground out over the mutterings of multiple Avengers and agents. "We are going to have a serious talk when this is over."

"Ummm..." Darcy looked at the timer she could see with wide eyes. "How far is the bomb guys from me?"

"Four minutes out," an agent replied.

"I have a two minute timer," Darcy replied as she rezipped the backpack. "I'm going to run with it."

Picking the bag up, she turned toward a nearby building, only to be stopped by Bruce appearing out of the crowd.

"I'll take that," he said with a small smile before running into a side alley.

A minute and a half later, the ground shook, and the roof of a nearby building seemed to be on fire.

"The Hulk has contained the blast," an agent called out through the comm link. "I repeat, The Hulk has contained the blast."

Giving a sigh of relief, Darcy turned towards the SHIELD van and started back. After a few minutes, she reached Coulson and handed over the comm link. "I'm going home and soak for a few hours in my tub. Probably with a multiple bottles of something alcoholic. I'll listen to your lecture and do your paperwork tomorrow."

"How did you think you'd get the bomb out of the area?" he asked with a glare.

Darcy gave a wan grin. "I totally kick ass at parkour."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parkour, also known as 'urban running' is a discipline of getting from point A to point B as efficiently as possible, using walls, fire escapes, boxes, roofs, etc... to get there.
> 
> I've always thought that slayers would be awesome at parkour.


	6. Demons: 0, Darcy: 2 million... Oh, Hi Guys!

"It's not fair," Darcy pouted at Jane. 

Looking up from her computer screen, Jane sighed. After she glanced at the clock on the wall, she reached over and turned the monitor off. "What's wrong?"

"You're getting into scheduled girl talk without me forcing you!" Darcy wiped a fake tear from her eye. "My little girl is all grown up!"

Jane rolled her eyes. "Darcy, what's not fair?"

"You have all these great stories about living at Stark/Avengers Tower. Every day is full of wonder and excitement. Plus some great eye candy. And, then there is my life. I'm nothing but an assistant to a, granted awesome, scientist. My life, it is boring."

"Darcy, you spar with SHIELD agents, you're playing battleship via email with Tony Stark, you have hide and seek competitions with Clint and Natasha, super-spies, you're a..."

"Uh uh!" Darcy interrupted, wagging a finger at the other woman. "No mention of that word in this building. At all."

"Oh," Jane looked a little sheepish. "Sorry."

"The walls have ears," Darcy mock whispered as she looked around their new lab in the basement of SHIELD headquarters wide eyed.

"Yes they do," a male voice stated from the doorway of the lab. "And, I know all."

"Gah!" both women exclaimed as they turned towards the voice.

"Coulson!" Darcy yelled.

"You're late with this week's reports, Ms. Lewis," Coulson said.

"I am not," Darcy replied. "I have an hour more to go. If you want them now, you can take them. Otherwise, this time is scheduled to talk with Jane, so vamoose."

"I'll see you within an hour then," Coulson stated before turning around and leaving the lab.

"Why doesn't he just take the reports now?" Jane asked.

"Because, he'll want a report on me personally, and his office is the only room he can be one hundred percent sure isn't bugged. Even there, we don't use that word," Darcy replied with a shrug. "Now then, where were we? Oh yes, your oh so fabulous life and my dull doldrums of an existence."

"You just want to come to movie night," Jane said with a grin.

Darcy gave a grin back. "Darn tootin!"

"Fine," Jane waved a hand before turning back to her monitor. Turning it back on, she continued, "You can have my spare room that night."

"Yay!" Darcy jumped from her seat and clapped her hands a few times. Grabbing the pile of reports, she wandered off to give her weekly account to her Watcher.

=====

After changing into dark red sweatpants covered with fluffy white sheep, and a large smiley face with horns t-shirt, Darcy checked that her taser was properly placed in the holster between her breasts, and that the slim stake holstered in the small of her back wouldn't bother her. A nagging feeling told her they might be necessary. "I'm not having the dreams," she muttered to herself. "I'm not." Giving herself as shake, she sauntered out of Jane's guest room to wait for her friend.

A few minutes later, Darcy and Jane were chatting amicably as they walked to the media room Tony had set up for movie night.

"So, what are we watching?" Darcy asked with a bounce as she entered.

"Lord of the Rings," Bruce replied, waving a DVD case in the air.

"Uh... No," Darcy stated, reaching for the case.

"You have an objection to Lord of the Rings?" Tony asked with a smirk from his armchair.

"This isn't the extended version. It would be like starting a Star Wars virgin with episode one. Blasphemy!" Darcy exclaimed, the DVD case raised in the air.

"Umm... Okay..." Clint replied from his position on the couch. "Then, what shall we watch?"

Darcy grinned and pulled a box set out from where she had hidden it earlier. "Indiana Jones anyone?"

They were forty-five minutes through 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' when Darcy felt antsy, like something was about to happen. She furtively glanced around as she repositioned herself on the couch. Instead of sprawling, she was sitting at attention, anticipating _something_ happening.

"What's wrong?" Natasha asked, curious.

"Nothing," Darcy replied distractedly as she tried to look casual.

A plate glass window across the room shattered as a green demon holding a sword appeared. "You all die," the demon growled out.

Darcy blurred into action, hopping over the back of the couch with one arm as she removed the stake from it's holster with the other. Rushing forward, she dodged the demon's sword thrust and kicked him with all her might in the knee.

As he staggered towards the ground, she quickly rammed the stake into the red jewel in the center of the demon's forehead, her left forearm blocking his sword arm from swinging at her again.

As the demon fell over, dead instantly, Darcy took a deep breath then crowed, "Hah! I did too study the classification manuals! Go me!" Turning around with a grin, she saw Jane with her face in her hands and the rest of the room looking shocked. "Oh, shit."

Jane sighed deeply, then pulled out her cell phone. "Agent Coulson, you need to come to the Tower. We've had a Council related incident." Nodding at Coulson's reply, she put her phone away. "He'll be here in fifteen minutes," she told the room.

"Darcy?" Steve asked.

"Uh, yeah?" Darcy replied, trying to look innocent.

Clint looked at the dead body, wide-eyed. "What the hell!"

"I'm waiting for Coulson to show up," Darcy replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "Until then, I plead the fifth."

"You can only plead the fifth in court," Tony pointed out before gulping his scotch.

Natasha looked pensive. "Very nice technique."

"You knew about whatever is going on, didn't you?" Bruce asked Jane, who shook her head.

"We wait for Coulson," Jane replied.

An awkward silence fell until Coulson entered the room. Staring at the dead demon, he sighed before looking at Darcy. "Tasing a god, and breaking the nose of another, wasn't enough for you? You had to add a Mohra to the list?"

Darcy gave a large, fake, grin. "I'm just awesome like that?"

"More like, you got lucky," Coulson pointed out.

Darcy shrug her shoulders. "True. He obviously wasn't expecting me. If I hadn't been able to stake him, I had hoped to push him out of the window and call for backup before he returned."

"You!" Thor exclaimed, pointing his finger at Darcy. "You broke Loki's nose! Is that why mother refused to let the healers heal it?"

"Served him right, trying to kidnap me," Darcy replied with a sniff.

Coulson turned back to the body. "How did he get up to the sixtieth floor? And, how do we dispose of Mohra demons?"

"Burn them, I think," Darcy stated. "As for his entry, who knows... Portal? Swung in using a rope?"

"Mohra?" Clint asked.

Coulson waved at the body. "Demon, almost invincible and heals from any wound. Only way to kill it is to destroy the jewel on it's forehead."

"Okay, enough." Tony stood up and gave Darcy and Coulson a sharp look. "Explain. Now."

Coulson turned to the Avengers. "Darcy is what's termed a Slayer. A woman with extra strength, stamina, and reflexes. She's a member of an organization that fights the supernatural. Demons, ghosts, things that go bump in the night."

"A semi-retired member," Darcy interjected.

Clint looked confused. "Semi-retired?"

Jane looked exasperated. "You aren't retired until you're dead." Turning to Darcy, she added. "Really? You call yourself semi-retired? You have an agent of SHIELD as a Watcher, and he actually makes you train."

"I'm on call for end of the world, and back-up," Darcy replied with a glare. "Unless it happens in front of me, like tonight, I'm not getting into it."

"But, you could do so much good," Steve pointed out. "You're perfect for the Avenger's Initiative."

"Oh, no you don't," Darcy put her hands on her hips. "I'm not bringing the oogie-boogies of the world into this."

"I don't understand," Natasha said, looking perplexed.

"The demons and vampires of the world find out that a Slayer is working as an Avenger, you won't just have to worry about aliens and robots trying to conquer or destroy the world," Darcy replied. "There may be more than one Slayer in the world now, but our deaths still have a high bounty. I'm happy with my life the way it is."

"But, you are wasting your gifts, denying your purpose," Thor pointed out.

"Look," Darcy growled as she stalked across the room and poked a finger into Thor's chest. "I was a normal, sixteen year old girl, when I accidentally pushed my mom into a wall for trying to wake me up for school. I've since then learned control, learned what to look for when it comes to demonic activity, memorized how to kill said demons, and was told to have as normal a life as I wanted. I want normal." Taking a deep breath, she backed up a few steps and addressed the room. "Granted, my normal is working for a physicist trying to create worm holes, and being friends with world renowned super heroes, but that's my normal."

"You forgot your workaholic agent of a Watcher." Jane grinned.

Darcy grinned. "I'm working on that."

"Your transfer is still denied," Coulson pointed out.

"I'm not looking for a transfer," Darcy said with a grin. "Leave the office at a decent hour, and you won't find your paperwork in a lovely bonfire. Remember, fire pretty..."

Shaking his head, Coulson returned to the dead demon. "I don't see the ring, so he's not Order of Taraka."

"Which is a good thing," Darcy pointed out. "I really don't want to tangle with those assassins. Besides, I don't think Mohras joined that order. Against their honor or something."

Shrugging, Coulson pulled out his cell phone. "You never know. I'll inform the Council about this, let them do some research. If we're lucky, it was just a rogue assassin looking to gain honor with his clan, and not an organized effort to kill the Avengers." Glancing at Darcy, he smirked. "You've just been detailed for supernatural baby sitting duties."

"Yay," Darcy said before sticking her tongue out at him.

"We don't need a baby sitter!" Clint protested.

Darcy quirked an eyebrow. "Do you know how to kill a Grimshaw or Vahrall? And, that's just two of the many diverse breeds of demons out there."

"Then, you can teach us," Bruce stated.

Sighing, Darcy rubbed her forehead. "A lot of what I personally do is instinctive. Yes, I could give you the classification manuals for you to memorize, but even that isn't enough. Can you wield a sword well enough to behead something fifteen feet tall? While it's attacking you with it's own weapons?"

Natasha nodded. "I probably could."

"I, as well," Thor added while Clint and Steve looked pensive.

"So, two out of six. Not that great a ratio."

Coulson shut his cell phone and interrupted the conversation. "The Council agreed. You're to stay here with the Avengers until we get this straightened out. They're sending some people over to ward the tower against demons."

"They can't ward the whole tower," Darcy pointed out.

Tony snorted. "Why not? It's my tower."

"Darcy's right." Coulson rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You do have demons and half-demons working for you."

"I have demons working for me?!" Tony looked shocked.

"Not all demons are evil. Some are quite awesome," Jane said with a grin. "I used to play poker with a few. Until it got too depressing..."

"Why would poker get depressing? Did you lose?" Natasha asked.

"We can discuss kitten poker later," Coulson interjected, trying to get the conversation back on track. "Until the Council gets here to ward the private levels of this tower, Darcy's word is law. If she says to do something, do it. We'll move her into the tower temporarily until this is resolved."

Jane smiled, "Well, that's one way to get into the tower."

Darcy grinned. "Power, I has it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End!
> 
> Even though, I have ideas for other stories...


End file.
